Sunday, May 2, 2010

Black Velvet if you please

I was shopping at the dollar store the other day, and came across a bottle of nail polish in the colour "Black Velvet". I started thinking a bit.

Being in my position in regards to my gender - stuck somewhere that is neither male nor female - I have this tendency to completely deny the feminine and cling to the masculine. I have such dislike for my femaleness that I'll do everything I can to mask, disguise or otherwise ignore the fact that I have tits and a vagina. I'll never be completely genderless. It's just not a possibility. The best I can do is pick and choose which parts of each gender presentation best suits whatever "me" is facing the world at the time and go from there.

I've come to the realization that I'm polarizing myself. I'm falling into the same binary trap that everyone else does. I'm not a man, but I'm trying to be everything non-woman. It's an upstream swim from pink to blue. I'm buying into the binary bullshit by denying myself the full spectrum of gender expression. Androgyny is full androgyny from start to finish. There are no limits to who I am.

So back to the dollar store and the bottle of Black Velvet.

After a few moments of consideration, I dropped the dollar on the little black bottle and took it home with me. While curled up on my couch watching NCIS, I painted my toes with it. It looks cute and kinda girly, but even on me "girly" isn't terribly girly.

Next step: Sandals so I can show them off!