Saturday, February 7, 2009


Relationships are an odd one in my situation.  I'm transgender, identifying as third gender, and a lot of people really don't know what to make of that.  

My last long term partner, a bisexual man, had no problem with any of my gender expression.  Since our breakup over a year ago, in my search for a new partner, I've come across a myriad of responses to my gender identity.

Once, while sitting in a diner with me, my potential partner, a gay man, and a very sexually liberal thinker (straight, but very accepting of everyone in the LGBT community), we got on the discussion of transgender, and I mentioned to them that I am transgender.  My not-partner (who already knew this) said very loudly "No you're not!!", startling the hell out of me and our other two friends.  I think that was when I realized it really wasn't going to work.

Someone else I crushed on once said "I wouldn't care if I found out tomorrow you had a penis, I'd love you just the same."  It was one of the best things anyone had ever said to me.  Then he disappeared, and I haven't seen or heard from him since last July.  So much for that.

Then I met Baron.  Baron is my current partner, and we've been committed to each other for five months.  I came out to him very early on in our friendship, and I think it kind of threw his brain for a loop.  Instead of doing what some people I've met have done (which is run and hide, or never talk to me again) he buckled down, and he researched.  He read, he studied, he met other transgender and transsexual people and talked to them, he did everything he could to understand as best as he can.

We both knew early on he is a strictly heterosexual man, and if I chose any kind of surgical transition, it would mean the end of our relationship.  I understand that.  He's heterosexual - he's not attracted to penis.  As it stands, identifying as third gender, I really have no surgical plans in my future (except maybe a breast reduction, someday).  I like living my life very gender ambiguously.  To me, it's comfortable.  To us, it works.

My partner, despite being heterosexual, is comfortable with me being as out and vocal as I am, and with being beside me in public, when I dress and present as male.  Sure, this might mean we could be mistaken for a gay couple.  Let them.  We are who we are - two people who love each other - no matter how straight or how queer you define it.

Yes, I live a pretty queer life, and I'm in a pretty queer relationship.  We defy the idea of a heteronormative couple.  It's like those tshirts: "I'm not straight but my boyfriend is."

Well, it's true:  I'm NOT straight, but my boyfriend is.

1 comment:

As always, be respectful of your fellow human beings.